


Trysts

by cinnabongene



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-02 10:36:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14542863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnabongene/pseuds/cinnabongene
Summary: Each of the Snicket siblings has their own special relationship to Olaf. A phrase which here means, all of the Snickets have had sex with Count Olaf.





	1. Jacques

The first time Jacques saw him, was as he watched his brother’s play. He and Jacques’s brother were co-presidents of Prufrock Prep’s drama club. In this particular production, his brother played the hero, and the co-president played the villain. It was a captivating performance. His brother’s counterpart was not a particularly skilled actor, but there was something in his eyes. You could tell he believed it. You could tell how much he lived for this. 

After the show, Jacques came backstage to congratulate his brother. “Lemony, that was brilliant,” he said, embracing his sibling. As he looked up from the hug, his eyes met those of the co-president, standing in the corner of the green room. “And who would this be?” Jacques asked. 

“Oh, Jacques, meet Olaf, my co-president.” 

The tall, lanky man stepped forward and held out his hand. “How do you do, Jacques? Your brother has told me much about you.” 

Jacques accepted the handshake and returned it firmly. “Pleasure to meet you, Olaf. That was quite the performance you gave.”

“Undoubtedly,” Olaf grinned. 

 

Later, as the cast and crew exited the theater, and after Lemony had run off after some girl, Jacques spotted Olaf in the procession and tapped him on the shoulder. “Olaf.”

Olaf startled, then turned around. He was out of his costume, but still wore the villain’s makeup. “Jacques Snicket,” he replied. 

“I was wondering if you’d like to talk about theater sometime,” said Jacques. 

“Theater?” Olaf asked.

“Yes,” said Jacques. 

“When?” 

“I’m free tonight,” said Jacques. 

Olaf looked away thoughtfully. “The bleachers, midnight,” he finally replied. He walked off before Jacques could respond. 

 

Jacques looked at his pocket watch as he sat under the bleachers, shivering and watching his breath form clouds in front of his mouth. It was twelve seventeen. He was about to concede that Olaf wasn’t coming and return to his dorm, when he saw a gangly shadow approaching. 

The shadowy figure rounded the bleachers and sat down on the dirt next to Jacques. He then pulled a cigarette out of his vest pocket and a lighter out of his pants pocket, and for a moment, the space between their faces was illuminated. 

“You can usually find me here, if you ever need me,” Olaf said after he expelled the lungful of smoke. 

“It’s rather cold to be out here so late, don’t you think?” said Jacques. 

Olaf reached into his pocket and pulled out another cigarette. “Here, this’ll warm you up.” 

Jacques stared down at the cigarette for a moment before putting it in his mouth. Olaf leaned forward and held out the flame for Jacques. Jacques took in his first drag and let it out as a violet cough. Olaf smirked. “You get used to it.” 

“So, how long have you been acting?” Jacques asked. 

“Please, Snicket. That’s not what you really wanted to talk about.” 

“What makes you think that?” 

“Please, isn’t it obvious?” 

“If it’s so obvious, why don’t you tell me?” Jacques suggested. 

A cold wind blew past and extinguished Jacques’s cigarette. Olaf leaned forward, as if to relight it, but instead, plucked the cigarette from Jacques mouth and replaced it with his lips. They stayed like that for a moment, neither daring to move. Eventually, Olaf pulled away. 

Jacques blinked a few times and attempted to regain his composure. He cleared his throat. “Would you like to come back to my place for a cup of tea?” 

 

“Would you like any sugar with that?” Jacques asked as he handed Olaf a steaming cup of Earl Gray tea.

Olaf shook his head and set the tea aside. “Your brother tells me you’re quite adventurous.” 

“I have been known to scale a few walls in the middle of the night and infiltrate various top-secret files on occasion,” Jacques shrugged as he sat down on his bed.

Olaf stood up from Jacques’s wooden desk chair and joined him on the bed. “Have you ever been known to violate Prufrock Preparatory’s strict rules against private displays of affection?” 

“No. But I have read extensively about what one might do in that sort of situation,” said Jacques, feeling himself leaning closer to Olaf, pulled in by his mysterious gravity. 

“You Snicket nerds need to do less reading and more acting,” Olaf nearly whispered before their lips met in a fierce kiss. 

Within seconds, Jacques hands were on Olaf’s shoulders, and soon, Olaf was laying flat on Jacques’s cot with Jacques over top of him, his fingers fumbling with Olaf’s shirt buttons. When he undid the bottom button, his fingers trailed down to the button on Olaf’s pants. Jacques looked up, trying to gauge the expression on Olaf’s face. Olaf nodded, and Jacques proceeded to undo the button and work Olaf’s pants down to his hips. 

Olaf couldn’t bite back his smirk as Jacques stared down at his naked erection. “Well, what are you waiting for?” 

If Lemony heard any strange noises coming from inside of his brother’s dorm as he walked back from his own midnight tryst, he never mentioned it.


	2. Lemony

Lemony and Olaf were put on assignment together during their final training at VFD headquarters, a phrase which here means, they shared a small tent, obscured by a large snowdrift, as they waited for a message to be delivered via raven. Olaf sat on his sleeping bag, idly flicking his lighter on and off, while Lemony sat on the adjacent bag, running his hands over his face. 

“I don’t know what to do. I’m losing her to Bertrand,” said Lemony. “There’s got to be something I could say to her.”

“Lemony, you’re talking to a man whose most ‘romantic’ experience was a one-night stand with your insufferable brother,” said Olaf. 

“I didn’t need to hear that,” said Lemony. 

“What are we supposed to do in here?” Olaf asked. 

“Wait.”

“That raven’s dead for all we know. The organization has so many damn birds it would take a village to properly care for them all.” 

“It’ll come. You have to learn to trust your associates,” said Lemony, leaning back onto his sleeping bag.

“They could at least let us have a fire,” said Olaf. “It’s freezing.” 

“We can’t risk getting seen from the air. But you’re right. They should at least have given us a propane heater,” Lemony conceded.

“It’s getting dark,” said Olaf, peeking outside the tent flaps. 

“I miss her.”

Olaf sighed. “You have to face it, Lemony. If she wants Bertrand over you, she’s not worth your time anyway.”

“I don’t blame her though. She should go with him. He’s… stable. He’s respectable. He’s… easy. I’m… I’m a mess, Olaf.” 

“Bertrand is boring. You…” Olaf sat up to look Lemony in the eye. “You are…”

“Melancholic? Tedious? Insufferable?” 

“Not boring. To be honest, the only reason I agreed to this mission in the first place was because it was with you. Anyone else, and I’d have thrown myself off the side of this cliff out of boredom after the first hour. Especially Bertrand.”

“Tea?” asked Lemony, pulling his thermos out of his bag. 

“It’s probably frozen by now,” said Olaf. Lemony unscrewed the lid and tried to pour out a cup of tea into it. Nothing happened. “Told you.”

Lemony sighed and tucked the thermos back into his bag before clutching his arms in a full-body shiver. 

“You know what’s gonna happen, don’t you?” asked Olaf. Lemony raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “We’re going have to use each other for warmth,” he continued. 

“I was afraid it might come to that,” said Lemony. 

“What? Is the thought of sharing a bed with me that repulsive? It’s not like we haven’t done it before.”

“That was acting,” Lemony pointed out. 

Olaf waved him off. “So are you going to zip your sleeping bag to mine like a man, or freeze to death like a coward?” 

Lemony sighed and maneuvered off of his sleeping bag to open it fully. He wondered what Beatrice would think of him if she saw him now, zipping his sleeping bag together with Olaf’s and slipping inside. Beatrice had never liked Olaf. She said there was something unsettling about him. Lemony had to admit, he saw what she meant, but he also saw beyond it. Olaf was charming, in his own brash way. And when he wanted something, you could tell he wasn’t going to give up until he got it. 

Lemony as he laid next to the other man. It was certainly warmer than sleeping alone, but he wasn’t sure it was worth no longer being able to look his companion in the eyes. “Happy now?” he asked. 

“In bed with Lemony Snicket. If only 17-year-old me could see me now,” Olaf smirked. 

Lemony crinkled his eyebrows. “What? You wanted to… get into bed with me?” 

Olaf scoffed. “I thought it was obvious.” 

“Maybe Beatrice is right; I am oblivious.” 

“I’ll say.” 

“Do you… still?” Lemony asked.

“I just asked you to get into bed with me, didn’t I?” Their eyes met in tense silence for a moment before Olaf looked away. “But don’t worry about it. Jacques told me you only like women.” 

Lemony was quiet for a moment. “There’s a lot Jacques doesn’t know about me.” 

Olaf grinned and leaned in closer. “Am I about to find out one of your great secrets, Snicket?”

Lemony felt his heartrate pick up as he allowed himself to gravitate closer to Olaf. First, he felt Olaf’s hands land gently on his shoulders, then he felt the other man’s kiss. It was gentle, tender – not feelings that Lemony usually associated with Olaf. But still, he placed his hands on the other man’s hips and took in the feeling of the moment. 

“I hear that it’s easier to stay warm if we take our clothes off,” said Olaf, pulling away from the kiss.

“Then we should do that, definitely,” said Lemony, his hands finding their way to the zipper of his puffy coat. He had to admit, he was already feeling warmer by the time he and Olaf were just down to their long underwear. Lemony was the first to take off his shirt. He then reached for Olaf and pulled him directly against his chest, moaning at the sensation of warmth. 

Olaf pried himself away from Lemony’s grasp long enough to take his own shirt off as well. Both men shuddered as they finally made skin to skin contact. Olaf pressed their whole bodies together, relishing the feeling of Lemony’s barely clothed erection growing harder against his thigh. 

“God you’re warm,” Lemony murmured into Olaf’s neck. “Sorry about…” He looked sheepishly down toward Olaf’s thigh. 

Olaf let out a chuckle. “You’re in bed with one of the most handsome, charming actors in VFD; I’d be offended if you _weren’t_ aroused.” 

Lemony nodded, and Olaf grabbed him by the shoulders and rolled them both so that Lemony was on top. “That’s better,” said Olaf.

“It’s a shame we don’t have any… lubricant,” said Lemony. 

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out. You Snickets are a resourceful bunch.” 

The two volunteers spent the next few hours so wrapped up in one another that they did not hear the wingbeats of the raven as it dropped off the letter outside of their tent, or the soft snow-padded footsteps of shrouded figure who came to steal it.


End file.
